Friends / inspiration / Life / Love

colorblind.

Generally when it comes to my social media – I like to keep my opinions to myself as to not offend anybody. But, I can’t keep quiet any longer. So, if you’re easily offended, please stop reading now. Bye.

What the fuck is going on with the world? Where is all of this hate and violence coming from? Maybe I’m just naïve but wouldn’t it be nice if we could all just… get along? Where is the love?

My ethnicity? Very mixed. I was born in Guatemala and moved to America when I was 6 to “start a new life”.

As a child, I have vivid memories of violence. Children being kidnapped so I would have to hide under my nanny’s skirt to avoid being a victim. I’ve seen the remnants of shootings on the side of the road, I did not grow up sheltered. When we moved to the US we had the clothes on our back and a dream.

I was ready to start a new life where I had more opportunity and violence wasn’t a thing. Yes, I was 6 and clearly very idealistic but I don’t think I ever lost that, nor do I want to.


Race is very much a thing, it can’t be ignored or swept under the rug. When I lived in Guatemala, I was “too white” and was constantly chastised for my “ojos de gato”. My features were lighter than most of my peers. When I moved to the US, I spoke VERY limited English and what I did know was very broken and had a thick accent. I was again chastised but this time it was for being the weird girl who couldn’t speak properly.

Although I never quite “fit in” I learned how to blend. I’m not saying my life was terrible, because it wasn’t. I am racially ambiguous enough that once I “Americanized” myself, I was just fine. I’m so many different things that rather than being an outsider, I’ve embraced it and become a chama-chama-chama-chama-chama-chameleon.

Some people don’t have that luxury. Maybe it’s because I couldn’t be picky but growing up, but I’ve always had friends of all colors, creeds, religions, races, sexual preferences.. nothing mattered to me other than who they were as a person.

You know what I remember the most about what made them different from me? I remember being jealous of my black friend because whenever we’d play with makeup, it would show up so much better on her skin. My Puerto Rican friend could dance in ways I’d probably injure myself doing (that’s probably where the Jewish comes in ;)). My Dominican friend? Got an ass that puts JLo to shame. My Italian friend? Her nana always made the best homemade spaghetti and family dinners on Sundays. I have middle eastern friends, friends whose countries I wouldn’t be able to mention my religious background without being in jeopardy but we always had fun together. My gay friends? Great. We can talk about boys and they get the story from both sides. The list goes on and on and on..

Fast forward to 2008, my first semester in college where I decided to take an Philosophy class, an ethics class. The subject was war. My opinion? Anything that can be accomplished through violence and hate, can also be accomplished through negotiation, tolerance, and having an open mind. I remember my TA telling me I was wrong.

TA: “So, you’re telling me you’re a pacifist? And you just don’t believe in violence?”

Me: “Yes.”

TA: “You’re wrong, that’s impossible.”

Me: “How can it be wrong if it’s my opinion though? Isn’t that the whole point of this class? To gather information and form educated opinions on topics?”

TA: “Yes, but you’re wrong. No violence is impossible.”

Me: “I’m not saying it’s ‘possible’, I’m just saying I don’t agree with it and I don’t think it’s necessary.”

This went on for a bit, needless to say.. I didn’t get a very good grade on that paper and I’m pretty sure it kept me off Dean’s list that semester but… I would have the same argument today. 

There are times when I have wanted to do unmentionable things to people who have wronged those I love, but I’ve always resorted to conversation and let things happen. No, I’m not lazy, but I don’t think being vindictive is necessary.

Here’s an example: You’re a piece of shit and think it’s okay to cheat. What I’d like to do is pull a Carrie Underwood and dig my keys into the side of your pretty little souped up 4 wheel drive, and carve my name into your leather seats.

But, what does that accomplish really? It just proves that I am just as much of a piece of shit as you are. Karma always comes back around, always.

Now with the issues going on in the world right now, it’s not that easy. While I try my best to be colorblind, it’s not that simple.

I’ve already touched on the subject of how my friends come from everywhere, I have also brought that accepting nature an openness to my dating life. My exboyfriend was Pacific Islander and I remember getting a weird look and some lady mumbling to her husband [I’m going to leave the offensive racist language out] about how we were different. Yeah, she was right – we were totally different in every way possible but our race was the least of it. I’ve “dated” Black guys, [different types] of Asians, Caucasians, Middle Eastern, whatever. You know what my type is? Somebody who I’m attracted to who has redeeming qualities. (And I use the term “dated” loosely because I have the attention span of a fruit fly larvae and I have unrealistic expectations and refuse to settle when I “date”.) Some stuck around longer than others for one reason or another but I never let race be an issue.

I’m colorblind to who I am with, but sadly everybody else isn’t. It is a very different situation if I am with my Caucasian friends as opposed to my black friends. And you know what? Keep fucking staring. Yes, black people commit crimes, BUT SO DO WHITE PEOPLE. SO DOES EVERYBODY ELSE. There is no reason I should be stared at or looked at differently because of who I chose to spend my time with. There is NO reason why somebody’s first comment on who I’m dating is “Oh. he’s black?” Or.. “Wait, why didn’t you tell me he was Asian?”  Why didn’t I tell you? Because it doesn’t fucking matter. He’s a human, just like you and me and he deserves the same fucking respect. Nobody EVER brings up race if I’m dating a white guy. He’s just.. a white guy.

Let me give you a piece of advice – love truly is blind. Fuck the color of their skin, deep down we are all human beings. We are all capable of loving, feeling hurt, causing harm, we are all capable of the same things. Gender is irrelevant. Race is irrelevant. 

We cannot help the way we are born and we certainly shouldn’t be punished or judged for it.  Don’t pass judgement on people because of the color of their skin or how they grew up, these are often the people who will teach you more about yourself and the world around you. Just be a decent fucking human being. Treat everybody with respect, we all deserve it. Don’t assume something about somebody just because of what they look like. Don’t shoot somebody just because they’re black. Don’t shoot a cop just because another cop somewhere shot somebody else. None of this is new, but social media is making it impossible to ignore.

If we all loved half as much as we hated or accepted half as much as we passed judgement, the world would be a much better place.  

We are all responsible. We are all the problem. We need to become the solution. 

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4 thoughts on “colorblind.

  1. I was 5 when I was taught about race difference…. A friend from school came over to play (with prior permission given by both parents over the phone) I remember having the best time laughing and bonding in a way I never had before with for the first time someone outside the family. When my friend left to go home mom and I said our goodbyes at the front door. As soon as the door closed my mom beat me to the floor screaming at me about bringing a n….r home…. I didn’t walk for two days… I was out of school for two weeks and I still carry scares on my back and legs. God loved me so much I knew mom was wrong then and have carried my own love for all people since…. Hate is wrong … Hate based on race is a taught wrong … And violence is wrong… I learned in Sunday school that God wanted us to love each other before I was beaten by my mom for doing just that… I’m 63 now and God and love remain in my heart

    • Cindy I am sorry you had to go through that! but you are clearly an amazing person for being able to see the good in the world and past all of that. The world would be a much better place with more people like you in it. 🙂

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